day 81...

 it's been a little over two months since i have commited to usc. life is crazy, like always. i'm enjoying it weirdly enough, though i have some unexpected beef with a theory professor, lol. i'm starting to make friends and find my people, which makes me content. i performed yesterday in the new student recital. super fun. i'm learning german and i got casted in the opera with a small apperance role, which is fun and i'm grateful because i don't have much music to learn. i had pho yesterday and then went to the movies, with a new friend, which yay. i'm sick right now, but let's just hop eit passes fast... 

i wrote all of this while being on facetime with china. annali was here, but she left. :(

day 80...

 i'm about to turn 21! i'm about to play roblox with my friends, then at midnight i'm gonna go buy something at 7-eleven and hopefully celebrate! lol wihs me luck....

day 79...

i finally committed to usc. life is crazy. 

i also withdrew from csulb. 

i've had so much anxiety the past week, but i think today is the first day i feel more comfortable. i hope it only gets better for me. i'm scared. i'm scared it won't be what i expected. i'm scared they'll suddenly withdraw my aid. i'm scared that they don't actually want me. it's like i'm waiting for a "haha" moment. like they're playing a prank on me. just typing this up gave me some anxiety.

i am going to keep pushing though. fear is just so overpowering, but it will be okay. like i always say... 

it's only temporary, it will pass.

day 78

i've officially decided that the days are just going to keep going, even if  i don't post everyday. i'm sure that annali and china have forgotten about this blog or maybe they're reading my posts and not commenting on it. which might be a smart move, idk. i'm not really expecting anything from them.

i'm stressed and i feel that i'm entering a depressive episode, though i don't like self diagnosing. i do think that i have anxiety though, which would make a lot of sense. during my therapy intake the dude sounded like he thought that based off what i answered. anyway... see y'all around.

day 77

 I feel... dead? But not super dead. I feel like when you've been at Disneyland all day and got home at 1am and you have no energy, but without all the fun/happy moments you reminisce on. I had fun with my opera scenes today, so it has me excited for that. I'm on a call with my friends and I think I come across as if I don't care, but maybe they don't notice, which might be for the best. I'm really irritable as of late. Must be the anxiety. I don't like that I feel like this. It's only temporary. It will pass, just like everything else and I will only remember the happy times. <3 See y'all around.

day 76... (officially)

I had my first therapy appointment today, though it was an intake. I'm looking forward on working on things and hopefully it helps me feel content before I go off to college. Talking about college, it is still stressing me out. I honestly feel like I am doing something wrong. I'm excited, but I also am not? I think everything is just pissing me off. I can't find much contentment in anything except music. But I need to be okay with all aspects of my life, not just my career/music. Anyway... hopefully in a couple of weeks I will look back at this and think of how different I thought. See y'all later....

day, uh, ummmmm, idk.... maybe 75?

 yo.

is this my revival? i also recently revived my spam instagram. go check that out.

i'm tired, but i'm also really grateful. everytime i am tired i feel fed up, but if i take a couple minutes to look at myself i start to feel gratitude for all the things around me. yes, i'm stressed because of my opera scenes and the performance (praise the lord it is done lol) i had today, but aren't i lucky to be performing at all? anyway.... i might be back. let's see how it goes.

day twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and sixteen...

 Brooooo,

I've just been stressed the whole week about choosing a school...

Wish me luck!

random

 i’m sad china hasn’t been posting on her blog ;( thank you annali for the content 

ANNALI being swag af

day nine, ten, and eleven…

my goofy ass and rod gilfry 🥸

 Day nine. It was a boring Friday. I just hung out with my mom all day and did a little bit of homework in the night.

Day ten. I went to Long Beach’s Open House and it was fun. I took my mom, I would’ve invited my dad as well, but he was working and I didn’t want to bug him since he’s been catching up. It was nice showing my mom what my life could look like. I almost bought merch, but held myself back since there is a chance I don’t end up there…

Day eleven. I went to church service and heard the guy that played Don Alfonso at the LA Opera last month live only a few feet away from me. It was super cool! Downside of today is my car smells like mildew :/ I cleaned the inside and put baking soda on the carpet. I’m leaving it over night. I hope it helps somehow… I’ll update y’all tomorrow!!